RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT

As in any contract, successful relationships involve a significant amount of give and take, including emotional support, financial support, cooperation, and positive attitude. These are key components for the reciprocal transactions of positive regard, the basis of love. It requires a mutual understanding and an assessment of critical areas of the relationship, like cooperation, compatibility, intimacy and emotional support. At the same time, it is of value, particularly in the early stages of a relationship, even as a single person looking for a committed partner, to assess one’s readiness by doing a relationship self-analysis. For example, a problem arises when one partner starts to believe that the he or she is doing more or getting less in return. Bringing understanding in the open forum of therapy where it can be dealt with, couples can heal feelings that have smoldered into frustration and resentment, healing resentment, mistrust and disengagement.

An essential component for a balanced, healthy relationship is based on a good assessment of your communication skills with your partner. These basic skills for good interaction are not only necessary for a healthy balanced give and take, but for problem solving, conflict resolution and negotiation in the relationship. These contribute to the health and satisfaction in the relationship. Teaching and modeling good communication is one of Dr. Paul Standal’s key goals in relationship therapy. If they are not understood and used, unmet and unexpressed needs erupt into frustration, resentment and disengagement. It is also very important to identify the “red flag” attitudes and behaviors that are sure signs of ongoing or impending problems in the relationship that require immediate, therapeutic intervention before the relationship goes over the falls.
John Gottman, Ph.D. has done thirty years of research on understanding what works in relationships and what does not. He has identified what he calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These are the four predictors of relationship distress in failed relationships, including termination and divorce.