UNREALISTIC IDEAS ABOUT LOVE AND MARRIAGE

Dr. Kamala Allen, PhD: Understanding Relationships

The romantic dream is that, once we fall in love, everything happens magically between beloveds. We are never in conflict, we never experience pain, and because our partner is there to take care of all our needs, everything is always happy and harmonious. Even though we know this is not possible, we still act in our relationships as if we believe it is possible. The reality is that the love we seek is not outside, but deep within ourselves, and no one but ourselves can make us happy. Since we can only behave from our current base of knowledge and wisdom, the challenges of relationship give rise to the need for further self-awareness and personal growth. For this reason, the truth is that relationships are really not here to make us happy, but only to make us more conscious. In fact, when we enter into a relationship, we will eventually have to heal ourselves of all our remaining weaknesses, limitations and self-defeating behaviors.

Unrealistic Ideas about Love and Marriage

1. Sexual attraction shouldn’t need to be worked at; it should come naturally.
2. My partner should be able to be anticipate my needs.
3. I shouldn’t have to work for love.
4. I shouldn’t have to work to be trusted.
5. I deserve to be loved.
6. Love is chemistry, either right or wrong.
7. Partners need to be adaptable.
8. If I’m not happy, it’s my partner’s fault.
9. When passion dies, so does the relationship.
10. Grand illusion of lover: we are perfect for each other.