POSITIVE AND HIGH RISK PRE-MARITAL CHARACTERISTICS

In premarital counseling, we identify and discuss the relationship characteristics that have proven to be the foundation of successful marriages. Dr. Paul Standal discusses with his clients both the strengths and challenges in the relationship. He finds that identifying and resolving these areas of challenge give prospective spouses an advantage in creating a satisfying, conflict-free marriage. At the same time, acknowledging and reinforcing the relational characteristics and building on the couples’ strengths become keys to satisfying successful marital couples.

Positive Pre-marital Characteristics

1. Love relationships are based on friendship and trust.
2. The couple shares similar religious and spiritual values and priorities.
3. The couple holds similar views about marriage and desire to marry.
4. The couple holds similar views on fidelity and family.
5. The couple has worked out an equitable sharing of household responsibilities, money and how to spend free time, etc.
6. The couple holds a mutual understanding of and respect for each other.
7. Accepting each other “as is.”
8. Shared interest in pursuing relationships with each other’s family and friends.
9. Physical attraction and sexual compatibility.
10. Enjoy taking care of each other, making each other happy, and supporting each other’s ambitions.
11. Surrendering some personal freedom to accommodate each other’s well-being.
12. Doing things together versus independently, from making financial decisions to deciding how to spend free time.
13. Freely sharing most intimate thoughts, feelings and aspirations.
14. Seeing each other as lifelong companions.

High-Risk Pre-Marital Characteristics

1. Committing to any long-term relationship is never without risk.
2. Moving in together under some scenarios is likely to end in failure.
3. Brief courtship.
4. Relationship characterized by financial or emotional dependency.
5. Relationship based solely on physical attraction.
6. History of live-in relationships and/or divorce.
7. Uncertainty of long-term viability of relationship; excessive fear of divorce.
8. Unequal commitment.
9. Poor self-esteem.
10. Relationships in which only one person is willing to make sacrifices for the other.
11. Differences in age, education and religious/cultural background.
12. Sexual incompatibility.