MALADAPTIVE EXPRESSIONS OF ANGER

BLAMING: Response is usually defensive. “You did this…,” name calling, not taking responsibility, “getting on other person’s case.”

SARCASM: A distancing, no risk involved, not vulnerable.

VIOLENCE: The more pain underneath, the more the violence. Comes from holding down, from not expressing the anger, a volcanic eruption.

VINDICTIVENESS: A tit for a tat. Control used so I don’t feel one down. Getting even. Vindictive thoughts or fantasies may be useful for resolution if I don’t act on them.

VICIOUSNESS: Used to distance. Hitting below the belt. When people get close, you get panicky. Taking advantage of the other’s vulnerability, betrayal.

PUNISHMENT: Comes from suppression of anger. “I’m punishing you for what you did to me.” Control element, getting even.

SADISM: Often abused as children. Can only be sadistic to someone smaller and weaker than self. Sadist feels powerful in the sadistic act. Practical jokes are often sadistic.

AGGRESSION: Pushiness, intrusion, being insensitive to the needs of others, bullying.

WITHHOLDING: Silence that is hostile and controlling.

MANIPULATION: Control used for intimidating others. A way of getting what you want without asking.

SCAPEGOATING: Yelling at the kids or “kicking the dog” (instead of telling your boss that you’re angry with him).

PASSIVE/STONEWALLING: Don’t say anything. Use manipulation to get what you want.