FAIR FIGHTING

Listed below are some practical rules for healthy and fair conflict resolution that emphasize both emotions and the rational aspects necessary for successful resolutions. The first principle underlying any process necessary for a successful outcome is to first seek to understand, then to be understood.

Nearly all conflicts involve underlying emotional issues. The stronger the feelings, the more difficult the resolution. To resolve challenges like conflicts in dealing with money, it is absolutely necessary to address and accept the feelings of all parties. However, in high-conflict and volatile relationships, it is imperative to understand what taking a time out is to minimize hyper-arousal that amplifies the wounding that leads to eventual dissolution of the relationship. Without establishing and incorporating time-outs, fights can foster a wounding rupture of the regard complex that makes up the foundation of the relationship.

The probability of a mutually agreeable solution in any fight is increased when:

• The parties are in direct communication.

• The parties have learned the basics skills of Emotional Literacy, EQ-Based listening, and Validating.

• The parties honestly communicate both thoughts and feelings.

• There is a mutual respect of needs and feelings.

• Neither party feels superior or more powerful.

• Participation is voluntary, not forced.

• Admit you’re having a problem.

• Have empathy for your partner.

• Agree to end the argument maturely.