CREATING A SATISFYING INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

Dr. Paul Standal believes that relationships are the golden road to personal growth and development. Many of his clients have had no (or very few) committed relationships because of shyness, social anxiety or other past trauma. Other clients have felt alone and discouraged, and may have never been looking for a loving relationship because of having been “burned” in the past, or have had anxiety about finding a satisfying partnership. His goal is to help them overcome personal challenges and social judgments in order to open themselves up to creating a passionate, fulfilling relationship full of fun, excitement and unconditional love; a relationship based on friendship, equality and trust.

Creating and maintaining a loving relationship is, to some extent, about being successfully single, recognizing one’s own worth, and balancing the needs of the relationship with one’s needs for healthy self-interest. Dr. Standal helps his clients recognize their wholeness as a single person, while intervening and resolving their feelings of loneliness. When we raise our self-esteem and truly love ourselves for whom we really are, and when we acknowledge and use the power of our mind, we can easily have exactly what we want in our lives. We no longer need to pretend to be powerless and helpless victims of society and perhaps wallow in our loneliness.

One of Dr. Standal’s main goals is to help his clients overcome their fear of relationship and commitment. In many cases, this requires taking risks and “fearing forward” and resolving past issues to make room for the future.

Frequently, our clients become aware of and overcome many of their fears, rewriting limiting attributions that have kept them from finding a satisfying partner.

Examples of Common Self-Limiting Thoughts

• “It seems I’m always compromising and settling for less than I want in my intimate relationships.”
• “I just don’t seem to be able to meet the right person.”
• “I’m not sure I’d even recognize my ideal mate if I saw him/her.”
• “It’s so difficult to overcome my feelings of loneliness.”
• “I get so nervous on my first date.”
• “What happens if I make a fool of myself and can’t perform up to my expectations?”
• “Superficial encounters far outnumber any meaningful involvement with suitable companions.”
• “How do I overcome my feelings of being rejected?”

Dr. Standal’s goal is to give you the tools to attract your ideal, loving relationship and what to do with her/him when you do meet them.

Remember, where need ends, true love begins. Furthermore, ambivalence usually interferes with our ability to attract our ideal mate. Having one foot on the accelerator and one foot on the brake often gives an unclear message to oneself and to a potential mate, resulting in the game of “ Come, Come—Go Away” that will frustrate you and your potential partner. It is true, many individuals value their freedom highly and prefer to not have to answer to someone else. The desire for independence frequently seems to overshadow any desire to create a permanent relationship. However, “sitting on the fence” and not committing does not necessarily offer us any more freedom of choice. Usually, choosing to commit to a greater level of social participation will free us of indecision.

Dr. Standal teaches his clients the power of giving and receiving authentic, positive regard. By mastering this technique, they can overcome fears of meeting people. By communicating enthusiasm and emotional courage, they can transform fear into excitement and fun.

He can often use role play and other processes to teach clients how to sustain flow in their communication when they meet people they are attracted to, and give them tips on overcoming their fears of rejection. This often requires one to be conscious of old habits that have hindered developing new relationships. Dr. Standal teaches his clients the value of friendship and equality as a prerequisite to transcending their comfort zone with deeper intimacy, sex and receiving pleasure.