COMMUNICATION SKILLS- SELF EVALUATION

 

Step 1

Here is a list of ten basic human relations skills and descriptions of each. Read them thoroughly and discuss them together until you both clearly understand them.

Step 2

Working separately, read each skill description and rate yourself as a percentage of the time you feel you perform the skill in your relationship on the Lekart scale below (1-100). Try to think of examples that support your self-evaluation. Take as much time as you need. Do not talk ¬while you are working.

Step 3

When complete, go over the inventory again and this time answer the question how you think your partner would answer the same question (putting the answer in parenthesis)

Listening

I listen thoughtfully when you are talking. I pay attention to your words and feelings. I rarely let my mind wander or think of what I am going to say next. I rarely interrupt you before you are finished.

Rarely (0) Often (100)
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Attending

When we are talking, I tend to say with you. When appropriate, I face you squarely, maintain eye contact, have a relaxed and open posture, and in general show that I am giving you my full attention.

Rarely (0) Often (100)
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Empathy

I make it a point to understand where your thoughts and feelings are coming from. I “get into your shoes” and experience your feelings with you. I can almost always say: “If I were you, I’d feel the same way.” You can count on me to understand you.

Rarely (0) Often (100)
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Communicating Understanding

I let you know that I hear and understand you and that I know where you are coming from. I respond to what you say before I express my own thoughts or feelings. I check out when I am not sure I understand you accurately. I realize that my hearing you doesn’t help very much unless you know you are heard.

Rarely (0) Often (100)
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Respect

I let you know that I value you as a person, that I see you as a unique human being with the wisdom of your own experiences. I affirm your right to be in charge of your own life. I am on your side. I am for you. I let you know that I want you to be all that you can be, all that you choose to be.

Rarely (0) Often (100)
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Accepting

I accept you the way you are. I do not try to change you or your behavior. You have a right to your own thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. I may disagree with you at times, but I don’t try to change your viewpoint. When I disagree with you, I make it a point to understand you without putting you down. When you disagree with me, I am not defensive or argumentative.

Rarely (0) Often (100)
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Assertive Without Being Aggressive

I do not suffer in silence, but I am not a bully either. I care for you, but I put a high priority on taking care of myself as well. I express my own thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and ideas. I do not expect you always to agree with me, but I do expect you to value what I have to say. I do not say “yes” when I mean “no.” I want you to assert yourself in the same way.

Rarely (0) Often (100)
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Self-Revealing

I am open. I express my thoughts, feelings, wants, and fantasies freely and spontaneously. I am willing to talk about my weaknesses as well as my strengths. I am even willing to tell you things that embarrass me. I let you know what is really going on with me.

Rarely (0) Often (100)
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Straight Talk

I don’t use “smoke screens” like sarcasm, teasing, long-winded lectures, withdrawing, or sulking. I let you know straight what is going on even if it means conflict. I ask for what I want. I think we are both strong and mature enough to deal with reality. Yet I am sensitive enough not to hurt needlessly.

Rarely (0) Often (100)
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Immediacy

I talk about how it is with us—you and me. When a conversation bogs down, I stop and talk about what is going on between you and me “here and now” that might be getting in the way. I tell you what I like and don’t like about the way we relate to each other. I want you to do the same.

Rarely (0) Often (100)
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