COMMUNICATING FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS

Understanding and management of our feelings is an essential part of communication. Emotions are the colors we can use to weave the tapestry of our lives. The more colors we have at our disposal, the richer the quality of our life. Our emotions are as intricate as the spectrum of colors in the rainbow. These colors are more available to us the more developed we are as human beings and the greater our ability is to interact intimately with others.

Emotions are caused by something more immediate in time than moods. Emotions are specific and intense and are a reaction to a particular event, whereas moods are diffused and unfocused. Identifying your feelings and emotions at any time is important to communication, but also to your growth and developement.

“Affect seems to reveal preference (Zajonc, 1980); it informs the organism experiencing it about those states of affairs that it values more than others. Change from a less valued to a more valued state is accompanied by positive affect; change from a more valued to a less valued state is accompanied by negative affect. Intensity of the affect reveals the magnitude of the value preference.”

Some Principles of Emotion

1. All humans have basic emotional needs.
2. Each of us has similar, but different, emotional needs.
3. Emotional needs vary more in degree than in type.
4. Emotional needs vary more than physical needs.
5. Emotional needs are more basic and more important than “rights”.
6. Negative feelings are indications of our unmet emotional needs (UEN’s).
7. Feelings are real and are not debatable.
8. Invalidation destroys self-esteem.
9. High self-esteem is needed for productivity, job satisfaction, and customer service.
10. Group harmony requires both mutual-need satisfaction and mutual respect of feelings.

Importance of Emotions

1. Our bodies communicate with us and others to tell us what we need.
2. The better our communication, the better we feel.
3. Emotions help us establish our boundaries.
4. Emotions have the potential to unite and connect us.
5. Emotions can serve as our inner moral and ethical compass.
6. Emotions are essential for good decision making.
7. What doesn’t feel good to us normally doesn’t feel good to others, either. But to understand the importance of this, we must first be in touch with our own feelings.
8. Being able to accurately identify and then express one’s feelings in a healthy manner is very important to all our relationships.