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BLAMING: Response is usually defensive. “You did this…,” name calling, not taking responsibility, “getting on other person’s case.”
SARCASM: A distancing, no risk involved, not vulnerable.
VIOLENCE: The more pain underneath, the more the violence. Comes from holding down, from not expressing the anger, a volcanic eruption.
VINDICTIVENESS: A tit for a tat. Control used so I don’t feel one down. Getting even. Vindictive thoughts or fantasies may be useful for resolution if I don’t act on them.
VICIOUSNESS: Used to distance. Hitting below the belt. When people get close, you get panicky. Taking advantage of the other’s vulnerability, betrayal.
PUNISHMENT: Comes from suppression of anger. “I’m punishing you for what you did to me.” Control element, getting even.
SADISM: Often abused as children. Can only be sadistic to someone smaller and weaker than self. Sadist feels powerful in the sadistic act. Practical jokes are often sadistic.
AGGRESSION: Pushiness, intrusion, being insensitive to the needs of others, bullying.
WITHHOLDING: Silence that is hostile and controlling.
MANIPULATION: Control used for intimidating others. A way of getting what you want without asking.
SCAPEGOATING: Yelling at the kids or “kicking the dog” (instead of telling your boss that you’re angry with him).
PASSIVE/STONEWALLING: Don’t say anything. Use manipulation to get what you want.
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