Dr. John Gottman, a pioneer researcher for the past thirty years in relationship success or failure has identified the four variables that signal relationship distress that lead to a higher probability of termination or divorce. He calls them the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. They are most likely to cause hyper-arousal in disagreements between couples signaling a need for a Time Out.
Criticism | Use a gentle start up. |
Stonewalling | Do physiological self-soothing. |
Defensiveness | Take responsibility. |
Contemptuousness | Build a culture of appreciation. |
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